My husband and I have been together 8 years, married for 5. We went through a six-week separation, which I initiated after years of speaking my mind about not feeling supported or important, among many other things. I finally decided to pack up and go. He said no separation—only divorce. In the year leading up to this, I had kissed my female best friend while drunk, whom I was obviously attracted to, so yes, I did cheat on my husband. As a bisexual woman who got together young and never experienced my sexuality, we had discussed threesomes many times during our marriage.

During our separation, we hired a nanny—an 18-year-old cute girl who was good with our kids and warmed up to us immediately. I told her upon hire that seeing him was off limits as we had just split up and I wasn't comfortable with someone watching our kids and seeing him. She replied with, "Girl, I would NEVER." However, time went by, and though I had my suspicions, I was focusing on myself.

My husband and I eventually decided to get back together. Before doing so, I asked him if anything had happened between the two of them; he told me they’d kissed a couple of times and that was it. We proceeded to have her live with us due to her living in her car (which we didn't know for a while), and I asked both of them again—their response was the same. A couple of months down the line, we all got drunk and had a threesome on a night the kids were staying at Nana’s. Two days later, the nanny moved out of state.

I was having a hard time processing how much my husband focused on her during the threesome and expressed that to him. After talking to a friend who said, "Sounds like they were very comfortable, you sure they haven't had sex?", the question arose yet again. This time, I decided to use her moving to our advantage. I told my husband that the nanny admitted to me that they’d had sex. His response? "Uh, she told you?" It was a god-awful moment in my life. When I told him I was done because of the humiliation and betrayal of him allowing this girl to live in our home for two months without telling me they had fucked, he confessed: "It was one time and your mom showed up so it lasted about a minute and I decided it was wrong and that was it."

I tried to work things out, but a couple of weeks later, the girl messaged me to say it had actually happened on numerous occasions. I freaked out, finding out once more that my husband had lied. We had discussed details of the separation, and he swore there was no oral and specifically denied showering together. A few days later, the girl told me that was all a lie. When I confronted him, he continued to lie, even calling her that day to tell her NOT to tell me about the oral or showering together.

Finding out all of this information little by little while he tried to gaslight and cover his tracks has been devastating. He got defensive, yelled, and actually blamed my pain on me being in contact with her. I am in so much pain, struggling to process the betrayal, the constant deception, and whether dishonesty of this magnitude after being caught is a dealbreaker worth walking away from.