I have a boyfriend of 4 years, who I moved in with a year ago. We have always had a “basic” relationship, not much excitement, very routine.

Several months ago, I started working in a medical office. I had no experience and the doctor began to train me. He’s a little over 10 years my senior.

We’d spend late nights going over protocols and procedures in the office. Eventually, because of this, we began to form a small friendship. We began to talk about things other than work, would grab food together. Just generally speaking, we were having a good time and just bonded really well. Then I noticed we were ~kind of~ flirting? He had made some comments before where he complimented me or suggested he might be interested in me in some way. I blew it off as just playful words and went on with it. This went on for 2 months.

One night, I mentioned I had some back pain. He was pressing along my back and began to brush his face up against mine. He started to kiss my neck. And I let him. This went on for a couple more minutes. Then, I started to give him oral. We fucked hard that night. Like we could not catch our breath. Two people that needed each other more than air.

Afterwards, we were both taken aback by what happened. We didn’t know how to navigate our feelings afterward. He knew I was with someone. I knew he did not want a relationship. All of my morals flew out the window. We signed a “love contract” to prevent any consequences in the workplace as a result of our fling. For the next several weeks, we spent nights fucking in the office, on the desks, on the floor. We had so much fun we didn’t think about what it’d mean long term. We started to spend weekends together (my boyfriend was out of town). He bought me clothing, paid for new makeup, manicures/pedicures. He kept asking me “why my boyfriend doesn’t treat me right”?

This went on for almost 2 months. I spent nights in his arms, wake up to him making food. It was so perfect. And the best part? We understood each other. How busy it is being in the medical field, how hard it is to take care of yourself when you’re taking care of others. When I was with him, he was my oasis. And I think he felt the same.

Around 3 months ago, we stopped. I kept trying to initiate something, but he kept rejecting my advances. We still spoke normally at work, kept a good friendship going, talked about deep things. We even continued to kiss, feel each other up. Just the sex stopped. He told me the reason was because of COVID (he was feeling immense stress being in the medical field with the virus). He also moved to 3 different places over the past 3 months, trying to figure out a better living situation with the virus present. I had spent a few nights with him during this time period, but no sex.

I was over one night and he said he wanted me to stay. This was after a night of making out, cuddling, feeling each other up. I was about to leave (to get home to my boyfriend). And he asked me if I would stay the night with him. I declined the offer since I wouldn’t be able to explain the reason for staying to my bf. A week later, I spent a Saturday night at his place. We had gotten dinner that night, we’re walking around town. We had gone back to his place, and we snuggled, kissed, watched a show. I went to get up to leave and he asked me to stay. I ended up staying. I woke up the next morning and we hung out for a little longer. On my way out the door, I asked him if he wasn’t having sex with me because he was seeing other people. His reply? He had hooked up with someone last week because he was “lonely.” My feelings were obviously hurt. He has told me so many times how much he cares for me, he’d do anything for me and how jealous he’d be if I left my bf and hooked up with someone else.

I got upset with him (one of the first times) and told him how it felt. He was obviously upset as well, and I left. I returned later that day to talk about this more with him. We resolved things. I felt like we were stuck in some “middle” area between friends and lovers. We decided that we were going to be friends for now. We’d still be cuddling, watching shows, but no more kissing. We haven’t had anything happen since then (about 3 weeks ago).

Over these few months, him and I have evolved from strangers to friends to lovers and back to friends again. And I don’t know how I feel. Being with him physically was a feeling unlike any other. Our chemistry was undeniable. Our feelings for each other were mutual... until they weren’t. And now I’ve cheated so many times on my stable bf. And now my boss is my ex-lover and best friend all at the same time.