Iv been having an affair with my stepmother for years.

I had kind of a rough child hood and I don’t really talk about it often.

Growing up my mother slept around so she always had different guys around,

and it goes without saying she didn’t have great taste in men.

Although my mother never physically abandoned me,

I always felt emotionally abandoned by her, and as if she chose herself and other men over me.

My father was incarcerated for murder when I was 2 years old, and he didn’t get out until I was 16. so growing up, I never knew my father. And I was ok with that. I didn’t wonder what it was like to have a father or envy children who had one. You can't miss what you never had. On top of that, the only adult males in my life were typically there for a very short period and were abusive in one way or another so I didn’t really have high opinions of "dads" to begin with.

My father gets out of prison when I'm 16. he looks me up and reaches out to me and says he wants to meet me. At first I was apprehensive since my mother had only ever told me horror stories about how he had abused her and other women, so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet him however I agreed.

When we met things went really well and our relationship really took off from there. I don’t know what I was expecting but my father was smart, charming, and very charismatic, nothing like what I expected.

I met Karmen in 2014 when my father invited me over to hangout and drink. It was typical for him to have some random new girl over there anytime I showed up, so when I first saw her I didn't really pay her much attention, I figured it wouldn't be long until he swapped her out for someone else. had absolutely no clue the kind of the relationship the two of us were going to develop. I honestly didn't think much of her at first.

The way I got Karmen's number to begin with was because I was covering for my dad. She called me out of the blue one day and asked if my father had been with me all last night ( he wasn’t with me ) but im not stupid I know the drill so I say "yea he was with me all night." Like I said earlier my father is a charmer, he goes through women like underwear. And iv always been proud of him for it so at first I didn’t mind enabling his behavior.

However as time went on and me and Karmen's relationship changed I started to find it harder and harder to lie to her. She was always kind and sweet to me.

she would take me shopping, lecture me ( in a loving way ) tell me all the things I need to do with my life. she began to take on the role of sort of a mother figure towards me. I felt like I could talk to her about anything.

The first time we ever had sex was the in the fall of 2019(i was 21). her father had passed away. That same night my father calls her and tells her he has to cancel on her because he was working late(he wasn’t working). So she called me and I went over her house. We spent most of the night sitting on her couch talking, she cried a lot, and I did my best to console her. After Well, she wound up getting pretty drunk, and I had to carry her to bed. I picked her up and took her to the upstairs bedroom, put her in bed and tucked her in. as I was walking off she stopped me and asked me to sleep in the bed with her. She asked me in a casual way that didn't seem sexual to me at the time or inappropriate. It just seemed like she didn’t want to be alone. I got in bed fully dressed ( except shoes ) and laid down with her. She fell asleep but I didn’t, I was to..i don’t know.. I didn’t sleep all night, I just laid there not moving trying not to wake her up and listening to her talk in her sleep. I thought it was so god damn adorable. In the morning, when she woke up, we kissed each other and had sex for the first time.

my father found out last year. things haven't been the same between the two of us since..

im now 24M, Karmen 49F, Father 45M

pardon spelling or grammar error