Just found out my wife (34 F) cheated on me (33 M) a year ago, with multiple men after a traumatic trip aboard.

So, this is the context. A little over a year ago, I planned a trip for the 2 of us to spend a week in the Netherlands and Germany.

One day during the week, we both tried edibles. This was the worst collective decision in our lives. I remember tripping about dying multiple times, becoming incredibly paranoid, and ended up being sedated and transported in an ambulance - it was absolutely horrible - while my wife had a "calming/sedative" version but she was also transported in the ambulance.

Weeks later, back in the states, we planned a trip for her to go somewhere "without me", since we've been together for 10+ years, she wanted a trip by herself. I was more than happy to help her plan, and ultimately schedule everything. She was going to a city to do a half-marathon event, and stay in the city.

I thought "Great! Sounds like something she needs, and I can do a little house work for the garden!"

Turns out, she ended up day drinking, and then hanging out at a bar until 12am the night before the run, texting occasionally about a barternder. I began panicking and texting/calling when I saw her little pin from her phone go from the bar to an undisclosed random location. She later texted it was the bartender's "new bar".

The following dauy after the run, she went to his house to "try some cocktails", while I texted and called, trying to figure out what was happening. She was out drinking with him and his friends untl ~3am. I remember because I was attempting to stay awake until I knew she was safe. But, I believed in her.

She didn't tell me she slept with this guy until 1 year later. "He was just so passionate!"

I thought it was an escalation that seemed steep, so I asked if she had texted anyone, or done anything else. She denied and then told me one day later she was texting pictures (and more I guess?) to a "friend" we had hung out with together, facetimed together, chatted about trips together, all the things.

We've been together for 10+ years, we're married, we have a house, we have 4 pets, I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't trust anything, and I feel trapped. I don't know what I did wrong or what to do next. I thought about suicide, because she can apparently just find someone new in <24 hours.

Anyways! I'm taking anti-depressants and going to therapy. I'm the cheerful/happy guy at work, I don't want that to be my end. At least for my dogs/cats. lol.

Am I crazy? There's probably more to do with my shitty friends, eating disorder, and abusive family growing up, but I feel like I'm grasping at straws.