MIL showed me her boobs the night before my wedding

I'm just coming here to vent. Last weekend I (F early 30s) married my wife (F late 20s), and the night before, MIL decided to show off her new spray tan by lying on the couch and lifting up her shirt, exposing her breasts. She thought this was hilarious.

I kind of just brushed it off and walked away. I didn't mention it to my wife because it was late and we were already exhausted.

I think she would have just said something along the lines of, "oh that's just her trying to be funny."

I believe she and her mother are enmeshed. MIL is known to make sexual jokes that go just a little too far, with some of them being at my or my wife's expense.

My wife seems to stay in constant communication with her mother - texting throughout the day, multiple calls during the day, visits every other day. We live 5 minutes away from her parents. We used to spend a LOT of time over at her parents' house. They would invite us over for dinner, then we would sit on the couch and watch reality TV until 9 or 10 PM on a Sunday. I communicated that this arrangement was too much for me, and since then we have cut back on the amount of time we spend there. Most of the time I will just stay home while she goes to their dinners.

I'm really confused as to why she feels the need to spend so much time with her mother. She is former active duty military. I don't know how much they communicated during that time, but she spent years living states away from her parents. I feel like she would have a hard time if they were states away now. It is apparent that MIL is not really emotionally connected to my FIL. My wife sometimes takes on the role of being MIL's therapist and confidante. If MIL calls for help, my wife will come running. She acts as MIL's surrogate spouse and it creeps me out.

While we were planning the honeymoon, MIL asked if she could join on the second week we would be there. I said that it wouldn't be a honeymoon then.

So since MIL doesn't get to third wheel, my wife is taking her on a trip next spring to the same place we are going for the honeymoon. MIL is bringing a few friends (they are paying, just using my wife's military status to get cheap lodging). I won't be attending because at that point, I will have very little PTO. I don't think I would want to spend a week with MIL anyway. She often makes rude comments towards me when my wife is not present. She corrects me if I don't say something perfectly. I can make a statement like "the sky is blue" and she'll say "no, it's green" in a mean tone. She is smart about it and will wait until my wife is out of earshot.

I've brought these things up to my wife, telling her how I feel belittled and unwelcome. She says something like "I'm sorry you feel that way." She has talked to MIL about being more careful how she speaks to me. Sometimes MIL will be nicer for a bit, then go right back to old habits. It feels like my wife either doesn't believe me or doesn't want to believe me about the rude comments. Fortunately, I'm pretty good at grey-rocking now because my own parents are narcissists, and I recently went no contact with them.

When my wife spends time with MIL, I sometimes feel like I'm being emotionally cheated on. They seem to have this sort of secretive relationship and it really bothers me. I've mentioned all of this to my wife. She will get defensive and other times not. However, I can tell that she has been trying to enforce more boundaries with her mom. Things are better, but I still feel that MIL is trying to drive a wedge between us. She planned a family trip two days after our wedding. I was not happy about it, as I wanted to spend some quality time with my wife after getting married (we spent a lot of time with extended family and friends that came from out of town during the weekend). I called while she was on the family trip and told her I felt like our relationship is not a priority to her, and that her mom is trying to tear us apart. She started to panic a little and said she doesn't want to lose me. She doesn't think those things I mentioned are true but wants to do whatever she can to make things right. Thankfully we are setting up couples counseling and she is wanting to go with me.

I worry that this enmeshment runs so deep that even with therapy, she will not be able to see how it affects everything, and she won't feel the need to change. I don't plan on seeing MIL for a while. My wife will not be happy to hear this, but it is the boundary that I need. Right now I feel alone. I do not have a big support system like my wife does. I feel like I'm crazy but deep down I know I'm not. I spend hours researching enmeshment and family trauma. It's not going to make a difference when I try to inform my wife on enmeshment, but I can't help but continue to research and read about other people's stories.

I love my wife and I do not want to lose her. I also cannot sustain a life in which I am playing second fiddle to my partner. Hopefully hearing from a therapist will give her a new perspective and we can move forward.