My daughter found out about my affair and now my husband knows. I don’t know what to do.

🎣 Caught!

I’m not really sure why I’m posting this. I guess I just need to talk about it and hear from people who have been in a similar situation.

I’m 41F, married, and I’ve been having an affair with a married man for about a year.

Recently, my oldest daughter told me she had seen a half-naked picture of me and my AP about four months ago. I don’t know why she waited so long to tell me, but eventually I told my husband everything.

He asked me a lot of questions. Who is he? Do I know him? Where is he from? Things like that. He was a little angry but honestly, I expected a much bigger reaction.

The first thing he said was that I had to end the affair.

Then we would take care of our daughter, and she would be fine. I said okay.

But now I don’t know what to do with myself.

I feel terrible about my daughter. She’s only 12, and I hate that she had to see something like that. I don’t know what she has been thinking about for the last four months or how much this has affected her. I feel guilty and scared about what this will do to our family.

But here’s the other side of it. I have feelings for the other man. Real feelings. This isn’t just sex for me, and the thought of ending it hurts. I know I should probably just end it and deal with it, but it’s not that easy emotionally.

At the same time, my husband and I are still married, and now we have to figure out what happens next. I am not in love with him anymore and I don’t see him as a partner. He’s my best friend but not my partner. Also there’s no physical attraction for me anymore.

I feel guilty about my daughter, I know I’ve hurt my husband, and I still don’t want to lose the other man. I know how selfish that sounds.

I’m not looking for people to tell me cheating is okay. I know what I did, and I’m not trying to make excuses. But I also can’t pretend I don’t have feelings just because the situation has become a mess.

I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

If you cheated and fell in love with the other person, how did you deal with ending it?

If your spouse cheated and you stayed, what happened after they told you? Could you ever get past it?

If you found out as a child that one of your parents was having an affair, how did it affect you? What did you need from your parents?

If you stayed married after an affair, was it because you wanted to save the marriage or because of the kids?

I honestly don’t know what I’m expecting from this post. I just feel like I’m stuck between what I should do, what I feel, and what’s best for my family.

Please be honest with me. I’m okay with hearing things I might not want to hear.