I'm 18 yo and I live with my mom and she raised me as a single parent. For context, my mom separated with my biological dad when I was very young and I've never seen my dad. I stayed with her ever since and when I was around 9 yo,

I was sent to a boarding school and studied their until I finished my school- so my interaction with my mom was only during summer and winter breaks and I spent most of the breaks with my grandparents.

Even though my mom occassionally visited me in my school, I never got to know her in my adolescence like other kids.

So to me she was partly mysterious all this while and I knew very little about her, except for the fact that she had many BFs or partners over the years.

My mom was an air hostess for a long time and just before Covid she moved to a different role but she still works with the airlines. She is in her early fourties now and looks above average- so I always heard murmurring praises about her even from my friends and many strangers.

However, as I started college, I started spending more time at home and that's when I realized that she is highly promiscuous.

Over the years I've seen her bringing guys to the house. She introduced one of them to me who visits her often saying that he was her "friend"from work. When he's at our home, my mom cooks dinner for him and then they go to their bedroom. Our bedrooms are positioned in a way that from our balcony I can get a peek into what's going on inside her room. I know I shouldn't do it, but I was curious about them and started looking. And from a very narrow angle I can see them in the bed. Our neighborhood is pretty quiet, there are no cars passing by in front or anything. So I can hear her moan a lot of times and make noises very wildly.

Even though she seems to be in a relationship with this guy, I've also seen her bringing other guys to our home occassionally. She's never introduced me to the other guys but I've observed them in the bed at times.

But then what shocked me was when I learnt that she knew that I was watching her all this this time. So as I said before that I shared very little mom-son time in my teenage years. But then as i started college, she opened up a bit with me and my friends visiting our home. One night me and mom were watching TV and she was having wine. After a few drinks she started telling me about her past stories where she passively mentioned that she always had this fantasy about being a pornstar as they get to have sex in front of others. She finally thinks now her dream is coming true.

I'm also very conflicted about telling her that I watched her as I'm not sure how to justify it. I will admit that every time I watch her have sex with them I get a huge adrenaline rush because I know it's not right to be watching and even less when it's my mom with other guys that I don't even know. More than that her promiscuity in the bed pulls me as a magnet as I've lost interest in porns after I started watching her. I don't know, I might be addicted or I'm not sure, because everytime I hear them walk in I start getting aroused because I know what is gonna happen. This has been messing with my head for a long time and I don't know what to do. I know this is not normal and I should stop doing it but I also kind of don't want it to end. I hope you guys can give me some advice. I know sex is nothing bad and she is an adult and can do whatever she wants.