My mother and I have always been poor. Like really poor. We lived in shelters for a little while, lived in our car, and some crappy apartments. She’s tried so hard as a single mom, working her ass off the entire time. She dated a little bit growing up, and it was normally guys who were taking care of us in some way. They added financial stability, gave her things, etc. It’s something I picked up from her too. I’ve caught myself doing it on multiple occasions, just being interested in somebody because of what they might be able to provide for me.

Her current boyfriend is a guy named Mitch, they got together about two months before I turned nineteen. There was fast chemistry, and within a few months, my mother and I were moved into his house (Her idea, I was very against it at the time. It’s something she’s done before, it never goes well in the end.) Mitch is pretty well off. He lived alone, but had plenty of room and he was happy to let me stay with him as well. I didn’t want to move in with a new guy so quickly, but rent is really expensive where we live. I didn’t have a ton of options, so I went.

Mitch and my mother have sex a lot. At first, it was only in their bedroom, but it quickly progressed to basically every room of the house. It didn’t matter if I was home, or even a few times in the room, they’d just start. She seemed happy though, and aside from the constant fucking Mitch seemed like a good guy so I never asked them to stop.

Last night we were all drinking a fair amount. Not so much that I blacked out or anything, but I was definitely drunk. They were all over each other as the night progressed, and I was drunk enough that it didn’t bother me as much so I sat there with them and was still hanging out. Mitch and I were sitting on a couch in the backyard next to each other, my mother was sitting in his lap. He tried to take things past teasing and take her bottoms off, but she told him that she was too tired, and she’d make it up to him the next morning.

Mitch said something along the lines of “Then [my name] can. She lives here rent free anyway..” I thought he was joking. It sounded like he was joking. I remember that I rolled my eyes and said something dismissive that I don’t even remember in response. Mitch wasn’t joking.

With my mother still in his lap, he reached over and groped me through my clothes. I wasn’t wearing anything revealing, just some shorts and a t-shirt. My mother looked surprised, and got off of his lap. I was just sitting there, not saying anything. It’s like all of the thoughts were gone from my head temporarily. I think I expected her to say something, but she didn’t either. Mitch stuck his hands underneath my shirt and groped me again. Still, neither of us said a thing to stop him.

I’m not writing a dirty story, so I’m not going to into super deep detail, but Mitch and I had sex. Right in his backyard, right in front of my mother. He started giving me orders, and I became an active participant once he took my top off. For some reason I didn’t say no, for some reason neither did she. We just went to bed afterwards.

This morning, when I tried to talk to her about it, she just thanked me and told me that Mitch had fun. I’m so confused. Honestly based on her reaction I’m wondering if this was planned in advance. I have no idea where to go with myself from here now. I’ve got this sneaking feeling that the whole thing was planned on some level. Her reaction doesn’t seem in line with the absolutely fucking insane thing that happened last night.

The most confusing part for me, is that I don’t know why I went along with it. It was more than not stopping him, I participated the whole time. Switched positions, everything. I can’t explain why I let it happen