Well like usual this wasn't today but it was actually over the past weekend. Names are obviously changed but the people I know who use Reddit already know the story.

So my in-laws like to drink and throw pretty large and crazy parties. They are quite well off and go all out any time they have a party. Over the weekend was their 40th anniversary so they celebrated with a Great Gatsby shabang.

More alcohol then a damn liquor store, food then Ponderosa and a damn balloon fest. They made it a masquerade theme party so this is part of my fuck up. Well my wife and her mom both wore these tight white dresses and had their hair in similar braid or idk what it's called fashion, and a tiara + white color mask. Let me tell you something this is the making of a insest porno, I mean wow they were both stunning. Now I've had this conversation with my wife before about how her mom is a milf of all milfs, Stiffler's mom level. Yea I know weird but hey we are open about everything.

So the night starts out, well more of the afternoon starts out drinking around 1pm 6 hours before anyone is supposed to show up. Had a small little BBQ, swimming and enjoying music while decorating. As time gets closer to everyone arrival we (probably me the most) are slowly getting white girl wasted. I'm pretty good at pacing myself over a long period of day drinking but this day a family friend was over helping decorate and he is one hell of a arm twister. This dude is the fucking Miles Davis of getting you to take a drink.

Party begins and I'm just hanging out around in the jacuzzi having a blast talking with people who I have no idea who they are while downing drink after drink like I'm participating in Beerfest. Hours go by and everyone is getting more and more drunk, people are leaving, joining the party late, hell there was a couple getting it on in the pool room (maybe 8 feet away from the jacuy) which everyone could hear.

We get to around 3 am and probably 85% of the people are either passed out in one of the 17 rooms they have or left. Now this is where the fuck up begins. So I'm talking with this guy who worked with my father in-law many years ago and he's telling me all these crazy stories but I don't think he has a clue who I was. My wife and her bestie come stumbling over to me saying their going inside to the game room to play pool. Let me tell you this room is fucking amazing. I hope one day to turn a room into something like this. Pool, darts, skiball, 105839 inch projector screen (idk how big but it's gigantic) and some slot machines.

I'm chatting for another 15-20 minutes or what seemed like it with the same guy who's now giving me the down low story of how he and Tom (father in-law) made all this money when they were in college by some pyramid scheme and selling drugs. Well his wife finally gets him to leave so I venture off to find my wife and ready to get my groove thing. I remembered her n Tonya saying they were going to play pool so I make my way to the game room.

Now we're getting closer to the TIFU. I stop make a few small chat session with people while wandering through labyrinth of a house they have. I'm finally a few rooms away from where I need to be. Hoping that it's just my wife and Tonya in there so I can make my move. Back story here Tonya and my wife do some special things to get a rise out of men if you know what I'm saying. I get to the door and slowly open it and peak in. I see my wife on the balcony talking, what seems to be on the phone and Tonya no where in sight. So I sneak up slowly and as she gets off the phone I slither up behind her, slowly slide my hands around them curves and squeeze them DDs, slide my hands down her sides, down to her bodacious ass and give a thrust. Then this is where she fucks up and grabs my junk and says "Oh Tom I'm ready to go" and that's when I realized I just pulled a Wedding Crashers on my mother in-law.

Not only were we both shit faced beyond belief but horrified, embarrassed, surprised, scarred and weirdly turned on. Instantly I felt sober and couldn't apologize any more then I was. She was speechless, just blankly staring at me with a horrified, disgusted, disturbed look on her face trying to put together what just happened. I don't know how many times I said "OMG I thought you were Lauren, I'm so sorry" but it did phase her at all. We both stand there in a awkward silence for what felt like eternity until she finally say "Well that was not what I had in mind, let's uhh forget this happened and move on".

The next morning, well technically it was the next day already, everyone awoke from their zombified sleep to the smell of Karen (mother in-law) cooking a gigantic buffet of food. It's like nothing happened and she back to normal. I scarf down some bacon, eggs, toast and a few cups of coffee. I tried to avoid any unnecessary contact with Karen until we left to go home.

On the ride home my wife knew something was off. I hesitated to tell her at first, but with a 90 minute drive home I didn't think I could keep from blurting out. Finally around halfway through I said "Listen something awkward and disturbing happened last night." Lauren (my wife) looks at me, laughs and says "Oh yea my mom told me already, that's pretty funny". Now in my mind I didn't find I funny at all, had the most confused boner in the world and scared shitless oh what just happened and what the outcome of this accident will be.

5 days later I'm still weirded out about the whole thing and trying to have shortest conversations with her. Oh yea to top it off I work at their family owned business with her other daughter and her husband, son and his wife...

TLDR: Drunkenly felt up my mother in-law thinking she was my wife, she returned the favor by grabbing my loins thinking I was her husband