Years ago, my wife (now ex-wife) wanted us to stay with her family. Her initial excuse was that it would help us save to get a house, and it would help to have others help her watch her children when I was at work. Unfortunately, she had a spending problem (she spent money as if it were drinking water in the desert). And everyone else ended up taking care of her children (mostly myself and her younger sister).

I was uncomfortable with her choice for many reasons, especially since I knew about her past with her family. Her father slept with her from 13+ after receiving her first period. And while I (wrongfully) believed that was all behind in the past. The general idea of us sharing a roof with them and what I presumed was my son (it wasn't) also living under that roof with such people drove me "mad" (crazy). But she was adamant about it, and it was made clear I could either join her or not, but she was going to take herself and "our" (her) son with her. When I tried to double-down on how I didn't think this was a good idea, given the history and once more suggested she receive therapy, I incurred her wrath and threats. But, ultimately, she got what she wanted, even having me ask on her behalf.

When spending time with my in-laws (now ex-in-laws), the words "emotional rollercoaster" does not do the description justice. But I digress.

At some point, when leaving "our" (my ex-wife's) bedroom for reasons unknown, her mother left their bedroom naked. I am not sure what possessed her to do so. However, she knew very well I was there, and their bedroom was not far from our own. I cannot say I got a complete look at her since the hallway was dark, and the light coming from the other room only made shadow play throughout the hallway. And I was in my 20's and had the unrealistic expectation that a woman in her 40's would be an eyesore. To my surprise, what I saw, was not an eyesore.

I am not going to say I lusted for my mother-in-law because I did not. But I will say naked; she was a lot more attractive than I imagine any woman at her age would be at the time. But, again, I was in my 20's and had this unrealistic mindset that someone much older than myself would be highly unappealing. She was not, and it was like looking at a beautiful work of art. Her mostly shadowed silhouette appeared very feminine, and her skin was cocoa butter smooth. There was nothing not to like, even with her being a little on the thicker side. So I would say, naked, she looked beautiful. Still, again, my appreciation was more comparable to a man seeing a woman for the first time. Not so much arousing, but I certainly appreciated the moment and experience for its worth.

And at the moment, I think I saw her more as a human being, not just the woman who sometimes gave me a hard time. I looked at her and thought about every encounter I had experienced directly, indirectly, including all the interactions I witnessed she had with everyone else. And the truth was when she wasn't being a royal b-tch, the people who mattered in her life, she seemed to treat very well. And though her husband was undeserving of her devotion, she appeared to have given it to him without hesitation. And at that moment, seeing her as one human being to another, I felt sorry for her.

The one question that came to my mind was, "why are you not enough?"

Because as much as I had cause to despise her for treating her own daughter as the other woman, this woman who I was now seeing stand before my eyes were also being cheated on. I doubt her husband (my now ex-father-in-law) previously consulted with his wife to have an affair. And while she should have done something about it, especially given the circumstances, I imagine she too did not ask for any of this. And the truth was, she gave that man everything, and now before my eyes, she was beautiful too. And in a brief moment of perhaps clarity and perhaps a little bit of surprise at the moment, I briefly put myself in his shoes and could not see myself doing all the horrible things he had done. And I briefly imagined, had this not been my mother-in-law. Had she not done all the wrong she had committed and continued to be the "good woman," she portrayed herself to the rest of the world. And lastly, had I stumbled upon her, I would have been content with her if I was him.

And as I apologized, while diverting my eyes, she continued to stand there and even apologize, herself, going on to make a little light humor of the situation. I was surprised she did not run away into her room or suddenly demand I leave the hallway. Instead, she stood there and proceeded to try to make some small talk for a brief moment or two. In this time, I moved my hand up to block the rest of the view of her body from my eyes but lowered it (my hand) to a position that I could still make eye contact. She stood five or six feet away, calmly talking, while naked. The moment was a bit surreal, and it allowed me to get a somewhat more appreciation of the situation. But the longer that moment continued, the more I kept asking myself, "why are you not enough for him?"

I have had many years to think about that moment, and I do not know if any conclusion to my internal inquiry would be appropriate, given the circumstance. But if I were to answer the question, she should have been. If being objective and while trying to review it from a detached perspective, I cannot imagine why her husband felt the need or desire to stray out of his marriage. Not that I ever completely understood why people stray (be unfaithful) from their relationships, having never done so myself. But in review, his wife was physically pleasing, and she seemed to be very devoting and affectionate to the people who mattered to her, especially her husband. And while our mindset and circumstances were different, given I was not ever going to accept my wife's infidelity. I came to the minor realization that, in some small way, we were still in the same waters.

I am unsure if anyone will understand any of this. But for a moment, my mother-in-law (now ex) had my pity. And for a moment, I did not think she deserved any of the circumstances, at least, for the part she initially had no play in. And I felt angry that her husband had done this to both of us.