I found out two weeks ago out of the blue and I was so very naive and so was my twin's fiancé. What in the actual fuck. What kind of trailer park maury povitch bullshit have they been doing. Betrayed and hurt are an understatement, I never imagined the two people I was closest to in this world would do something so vile and destructive. 6 families are destroyed, my mother other siblings are caught in the middle. I can't imagine what they are feeling. My wife's family is devastated as well. I adored her family and was so proud and honored to be apart of it.

I wasn't always the best, I had some major faults and issues in the beginning of our relationship. I had just gotten out of a nasty divorce that dragged me through the mud and mangled who I was as a person. I let the depression and complex ptsd take hold and it was a very steep slope from there. I wasn't the best and I put my wife through hell of lying, hiding my drinking and just being an all around piece of shit I didn't recognize. I wasn't a good father and I was in seriously bad shape. I could have died and wanted to. I was in self destruction mode on hyper drive. After a while I decided enough is enough. I knew I wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth, even though the worst of it I always thought my wife walked on water. My mother told me she was the one for me and that meant everything to me, my twins fiance was the one and when I heard my mother say that and she became family I desperately wanted that for myself. I needed a change and it needed to happen now. I went to detox and have been sober for 3.4 years and I will tell anyone that it's the best decision I ever made and a precious gift to myself.

The first year of sobriety was really hard as I had been under the influence of something since I was 12 years old. I never matured, never dealt with anything in a healthy manner. Physically abusive father, mom didn't really do all that much but we had our needs met. I thought I was going crazy or I lost my mind. Severe anxiety, crippling depression, depersonalization dissociation was absolutely checked out. It wasn't fair to her or my family but I pulled myself together, I became a person I was proud of, I found myself again. I learned alot throughout that period about growth, forgiveness, self love and appreciation. I had such an epiphany so to speak that it was a totally different life.

My twin and my wife had absolute trust, I had no reason to think otherwise. They would play games together, I had zero issue with my twin and my wife being together as my sil pretty much assumed their relationship was like ours. Strictly platonic and a great friend. Everyone needs someone to lean on during difficult times. We got married 3 years ago. My twin was my best man. I was on top of the world and happiest I had ever been. We moved into a beautiful home with a pool for the kids and a garage for me. Gorgeous but the rent was alot of money each month and we moved in 2 years ago. We had it made and I thought we were happy. Business picked up for her job but it was reduced so I needed to maintain my other jobs as long as needed.

I don't know who started it nor do I really care. Whats done is done whether it be one time or 3.5 years worth it doesn't justify that at all. I'm destroyed and devastated to the point I had to take FMLA and fly to my youngest brother in Georgia. I can't think straight, my wife keeps telling me she's sorry but those sorry lose their luster and meaning when used so frequently. I do belive she's sorry, I really do but she's only sorry because she got caught, he didn't even have the balls to admit it. He had this dumbfounded smug fucking look on his face and it took everything in me to restrain myself.

I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. They could have easily stopped at any point in time, and my sil would have been blissfully naive. I don't have it in me to be hateful, I've been there and I don't like it. I have no brother at this point and I don't know if my wife and I can come back from this. She's being honest as far as I know but I have no proof of anything. They say it was never physical. I call bullshit. You don't spend this much time together with no restraints or oversight or even a concern because hey he's my twin and that's the love of my life. Clearly all of that means jack shit. I can't look at my wife without thinking of what they have done together, the conversations they have had and discussed about us and our relationship and sex life. I try to hug her and I will get a whiff of her smell and imagine my brother smelling the same thing, or picturing the unthinkable in my bed... so many disturbing thoughts go through my head. I love her but my family has been blown apart. We will never spend a holiday together, our 40th birthday is coming up, that's fucking done and it was the one I was looking forward to. I celebrate everything with them and they stole it from me. They stole my life, my dignity, my pride and now that it's in the open I feel like the biggest jackass in the world. I can't possibly think of a better description than humiliation.

I can't believe anything she says and I question everything. You both knew the end result if this came to light. Him more so. How the fuck could you willingly throw away 40 years of brotherhood and a tight close one at that. I love them both so much and want nothing more to wake up from this nightmare. I want my life and happiness back, I didn't ask for any of this. Sure I had my faults but none worth this. How do you come back from this? How can I ever look either one of them in the eye again. I lost everyone I cared about. God help me.